i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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