I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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