Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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