I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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