Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
