Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
