at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
