just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
