I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
