He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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