all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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