I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
