i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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