ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
