I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
