i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
