you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
