Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
