Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
