this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
