At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize