that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
