Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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