OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
