So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
