talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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