I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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