Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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