He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
