Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
