it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
