brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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