Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize