I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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