Betty ford says i'm here all night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
