I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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