We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
