hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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