Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
