i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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