and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
