:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i will never coherently bang her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize