So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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