Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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