I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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