I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
