you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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