It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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