it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
