Tell her she can't have a vagina
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
