i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
