ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
