dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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