The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
