I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
