she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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