how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize