Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You may now shotgun with the bride
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
