at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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