I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
