1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
