Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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