Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
