If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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