i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
