Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
