Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
