Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize