this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
