Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
