Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
