I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
