i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
