I wish I could punch you in the face.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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