I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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