We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
