I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
