Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
