Got a toothbrush?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
