what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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