You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
