That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
