made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
