Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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