My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
