I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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