WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
