Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize