Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
