Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
